Oh Oh, I I mean uh, Ala Dammit.ДЄchmed: No you said Ukned, it's Achmed huchhuch huch huch huch huch.ДЄchmed: Oh-uh. AhhahahhahaДЄchmed: Ohhhhhhh, I love Buhh, Oh! You mean the president? I'm sorry.Achmed: God Dammit. Ahahhahaha.ДЄchmed: I think some idiots must live there.ДЄchmed: For example, the Washington monument.ДЄchmed: It looks nothing like the guy, it looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton. Jeff: You did all of this for a bunch of virgins?ДЄchmed: Are you kidding me? I'd kill you for a klondik bar.ДЄchmed: Look on my Ass, It says made in China.ДЄchmed: Walter says I'm just a stinkin' Halloween decoration. Do you really have one of those vehicles?ДЄchmed: Ahahahhahahah! Ohh! That is not a car that's a lunch box.ДЄchmed: Did you know when you're going down the highway in a Prius that if you put your hand out the window, the vehicle will turn. Walter told me to tell that jokech.ДЄchmed: No, but I saw a Blue Prius. Jeff: What was the last thing that went through you're mind?ДЄchmed: My ass. Jeff: No, I mean when some people die they see a white light. Jeff: So-uh, what's it like to die? Do you see a white light?ДЄchmed: If you're dumb enough to watch the explosion. At first I thought it was because I went over my minutes.ДЄchmed: It's ok I took that Verizon bastard with me. Jeff: So achmed, what exactly happened to you?ДЄchmed: Well, I was getting gasoline and I answered my cellphone.ДЄchmed: Can you hear me now. I set the timer for 30 minutes but it went off in 4 seconds!ДЄchmed: You know what that's like right? Mr. I am a horrible suicide bomber!ДЄchmed: I had a preimature detonation. Jeff: yea, so-uh what exactly happened to you?ДЄchmed: Oh, if you must know. Jeff: You know like, 'We are looking for a few good men.ДЄchmed: Were looking for some idiots with no future.ДЄchmed: The suicide Hotline. Jeff: So you guys have any kind of motto? Jeff: And what did you guys learn from that? Jeff: So look, as a suicide bomber have you had training?ДЄchmed: Of course, we had the suicide bomber training camp.ДЄchmed: New guy. Jeff: Well you can't tell jokes like that.ДЄchmed: Oh I'm dead what do I care? What do you want me to do. Haha yes-yes, and the winner had to fight Michael Jackson.ДЄchmed: Why not? I'm killing so to speak. No! I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death! Ahahahhahaha! Yes-yes! I did the same thing with 2 Catholic Priests then I tossed in a small boy! Ahahahahaha. Jeff: What I mean is I don't want racist jokes in my act.ДЄchmed: Oh-ok, how 'bout if I kill the Jews?ДЄchmed: I'm kidding, I would not kill the Jews. 2 Jews walk in a bar.ДЄchmed: What, you don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastitd. I-I told another Jokech! I can do this crap to'ch.ДЄchmed: Ok, here's another one. How have you been getting through security at the airports?ДЄchmed: Oh that's easy, they open the case and I go 'ello! I am Lindsay Lohan!' haha.

Jeff: heh, look if you've been in my suitcase all this time. Jeff: Al'right so listen Achmed, so where did you come from?ДЄchmed: Your freaking suitcase.

Jeff: Well did they say it would only be, female, virgins?ДЄchmed: Wait. Are you my virgins? I hope not.ДЄchmed: There's a bunch of ugly-ass guys out there.ДЄchmed: If this is paradise. I have something to tell you.ДЄchmed: Wait. I need some ligaments.ДЄchmed: He scares the crap out of me! Please don't put me back in the sinned suitcase.ДЄchmed: Sudan's Mustard gas is nothing compared to a Walter fart.ДЄchmed: I-It's not funny. Jeff: Al'right just hold on we'll fix this.ДЄchmed: ok wait what are you doing. What are you doing to me! Stop touching me! I Kill you! What tha hell? What are you doin? Ok Stop it. Silence! I kill you! What the hell happened to my feet? Son of a bitch? What the hell? Oh wait a minute. I would suppose you have some sort of specialty.ДЄchmed: It's a flesh wound.

Best of achmed the dead terrorist